Today, while waiting for the train, I found myself reflecting on all the events that have taken place over the past few months, but especially over the past few days. Some days have been better than others. Lately, life’s circumstances have made me feel as though I were drowning. No matter what I did, it felt like I was sinking. I could not keep my head above water. As the months and days passed, it did not seem as though things were getting any better. I had no fight left in me. I was willing to give up. I was willing to drown.
One Sunday morning in March, I was informed about a women’s conference scheduled to take place in May at Emmanuel Baptist Church. It sounded interesting, so I requested a flyer. Weeks passed, and I still had not decided whether I would attend. Then, on Sunday, April 24, 2016, the sermon was based on the subject “Go As God Leads.” After hearing that sermon, I decided to attend the conference.
This past weekend was enlightening. I attended the 2016 Chosen Women Conference at Emmanuel Baptist Church. (I will talk about the conference in a separate post.) I had been excited about the conference all week. But on the day of the conference, everything that could go wrong seemed to go wrong. It was obstacle after obstacle. I was ready to throw in the towel. I was running late and had decided that I was not going to attend.
Then I had a conversation with myself. I said, “Self, you are doing exactly what Satan wants you to do. You are going to get yourself up, go to this conference, and be late and all. Go anyway.” So, I listened. I got myself up and attended the conference. I must say, I am so glad I did. Sunday morning came, and I attended both services. The sermons were completely different, yet I received a message from both.
The first sermon was entitled “There Is Purpose in the Process.” It was during this sermon that I had my aha moment. It was during this sermon that I realized my Lifeguard walks on water. For the longest time, I could not understand why bad things kept happening to me when I was genuinely trying to do good. I could not understand why, despite my efforts, I continued to find myself in situations that left me feeling overwhelmed, discouraged, and defeated. But now, I understand. Everything I have gone through in my life—and everything I have experienced over these past few days—is part of the process.
He is preparing for me something. What that something is, I do not know. Maybe He is preparing me to walk in my purpose. Honestly, I do not know. What I do know is that I have to go through this process, and I am not going through it alone. Because in this process, there will be progress. As I continue through this process, I believe it will ultimately lead me to my purpose. I also understand that everything that happens to us is not necessarily orchestrated by God, although He allows certain things to happen. I understand that I am dealing with a situation that may have been orchestrated to bring me down, but God has my back.
Perhaps I was placed in this situation to teach someone else a lesson. Perhaps I am here to learn a lesson myself. Perhaps both are true. I understand that everything happens for a reason, even though God has not yet revealed that reason to me. So, I have no choice but to wait patiently. And while I wait, I am learning something important: No matter how dark it seems, no matter how bad a situation may appear, God is working in the background.
Even when I cannot see Him, He is there. Even when I cannot understand what He is doing, He is working. Even when I feel like I am sinking, He is keeping me afloat. He is working it out for my good. God has a plan for my life. Despite what my circumstances may look like, I believe He is preparing me for the next level. So, I may not understand the process. I may not like the process. I may not even know where the process is taking me. But I will trust the One who is leading me through it. Because my Lifeguard walks on water.
Have you ever gone through a season where you felt like you were drowning and had no fight left in you? What did God teach you during that season?
I would love to hear your story. Share your experience in the comments. You never know, your testimony may be exactly what someone else needs to keep going.
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