First, I want you to know that you are deserving of so much more than temporary attention, empty promises, and relationships that leave you questioning your worth. Don't just give it away. I need you to understand that you have so much more to offer than what is between your legs. You have a heart, a mind, a personality, dreams, goals, gifts, talents, and so many beautiful qualities that make you who you are. Your value is not determined by your physical appearance, your sexual experiences, or whether a man chooses to stay.
Never allow anyone to make you feel that your greatest offering is your body. It is sacred, and not everyone you meet deserves access to it. Intimacy is personal. It should be something you choose when you are ready, with someone who respects you, values you, and understands that there is so much more to you than what happens behind closed doors. You deserve someone who wants to know your mind, understand your heart, hear your story, support your dreams, celebrate your accomplishments, and appreciate your presence even when sex is not involved. You deserve to be desired, but more importantly, you deserve to be respected, valued, and genuinely loved.
Let me share something with you, waiting to become intimate with someone can give you time to assess their intentions, but it cannot guarantee commitment. A man who is serious about building a relationship will demonstrate that through his behavior, honesty, respect, and consistency. Pay attention to his actions, not just his words. Does he make time for you? Does he communicate consistently? Does he respect your boundaries? Is he interested in getting to know you beyond the physical? Does he show up even when intimacy is not part of the equation?
If his behavior seems off or begins to change after the two of you have mutually decided to become intimate, don't ignore what you're noticing. Perhaps his communication becomes less frequent, his effort decreases, he stops making plans, or the affection and attention he once showed you suddenly feel different.You may find yourself wondering what happened, questioning whether you moved too quickly, or trying to figure out what you did wrong. Don't immediately assume you did something wrong. Instead, pay attention to the change in his actions. Have an honest conversation about what you're noticing and where things stand.
You deserve clarity, consistency, and communication. Don't convince yourself that you are asking for too much simply because you want the same consideration and effort that existed before intimacy. If he tells you he wants his space, you can respect his request without abandoning your own needs or putting your life on hold. Remember, intimacy should bring two people closer in understanding, not leave one person feeling confused about where they stand.
Please don't ever believe that you have to give someone access to your body to keep their attention, earn their affection, or secure a relationship. And don't blame yourself when someone's intentions or behavior don't align with what you hoped for. You are not responsible for someone else's inability or unwillingness to offer the love and consistency you deserve.
My Brown Girls, you are not just a body. You are whole women who deserve to be seen, valued, and loved for everything you are. You deserve a love that sees you wholly and loves you fully...a whole love. A love that is intentional, emotionally available, honest, respectful, and consistent. A love that recognizes your mind, embraces your heart, celebrates your individuality, and appreciates your presence. A love that doesn't leave you constantly questioning where you stand. A love that brings peace instead of confusion and reassurance instead of uncertainty.
Take your time. Protect your peace. Establish your boundaries. Get to know someone before deciding whether to share the most intimate parts of yourself. Not to play games, manipulate someone, or make them chase you, but because your heart, your body, and your future deserve consideration. Never lower your standards because you are lonely, tired of disappointment, afraid of losing someone, or longing to be loved. You should never have to convince someone to recognize your worth. You should never have to compete for attention or repeatedly ask for the bare minimum.
And please remember, there is nothing wrong with wanting companionship, affection, intimacy, or a loving relationship. Those desires are human. But don't become so focused on having someone that you forget to value yourself. I want you to experience a love that celebrates you, encourages you, challenges you to grow, respects your individuality, and sees your potential. I want you to have someone who wants to be present in your life, not someone you have to convince to stay.
Most importantly, I want you to understand that your worth is not determined by how long you wait, how much you give, how many relationships you've had, or whether someone chooses you. Your worth existed before you met him, and it will remain long after someone leaves. You can care about someone and still choose yourself. You can miss someone and still protect your peace. You can desire a relationship and still walk away from one that doesn't honor you.
So, to every Brown girl reading this, whether you are 16, 26, 36, or beyond, please hear this, don't let the desire to be wanted overshadow the importance of being valued. Don't mistake physical chemistry for emotional connection. Don't confuse attention with intention. And don't mistake someone's access to you for their commitment to you. You are somebody's daughter, somebody's answered prayer, somebody's future, and most importantly, a woman with a future worth protecting.
You deserve more than temporary attention. You deserve genuine connection, intentional love, and a relationship built on mutual respect. Walk confidently in who you are. Know your worth. Honor your boundaries. Protect your heart, but never close it to the possibility of genuine love.
And when you find yourself questioning whether you are enough, let me remind you, you are enough. You have always been enough. You do not have to give away pieces of yourself to convince someone to love you. You deserve to be seen for all that you are, valued for all that you bring, and loved in a way that never makes you question your worth.
With love, wisdom, and a mother's heart. 💜
Raising Brown Girls (RBG)
Empower. Encourage. Inspire.
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