Skip to main content

Because Of You

Image
By

Dear Father,

I am a mess because of you. 

I have trust issues because of you. You were not there to give me a reason to trust you. Due to your actions or lack there of, I have had a challenging time trusting the man in my life. 

I am in love with a wonderful man. I loveee me some him, but I have issues because of you.

I cannot love and trust him the way I want to because of you. 

I look for reassurance to feel at peace with myself and in my relationship because of you.

I have placed the responsibility on him to be my everything because of you. I am sensitive to rejection because of you. 

I have endured a life of fear of being abandoned and due to that, I have become anxious and clingy in my relationship because of you. 

I am waiting on day that he decides to leave, walk out and abandon me because I cannot understand why he would stay; Because you my father walked out before knowing me. In was left abandoned. I was an after thought.

You were supposed to be there because I was your creation. I was YOUR child, your daughter, a part of you.

I am hurt. I am broken. I am miserable and I am frustrated with my myself because of you. I am conflicted and filled with unrest because of you. 

I am at war with myself and with him because of you. I am emotionally at odds with myself and others because of you. 

I so wanted to have a father and be a daddy’s girl. My mother’s father, my grandfather was my father. He was my life and I meant everything to him. 

Unfortunately, our relationship is not the same and it bothers me. It is like a piece of me has died. Again, it has to do with trust.

I struggle with the thought that I am worthy of being loved and receiving love because of you. In my eyes, it looked like I was not worth fighting for.

While all the above has caused a long-lasting impact on my life, I am working hard, striving to improve, to heal and move forward in my life.  


Labels:
Location: Brooklyn, NY, USA

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Waiting on God

By
I woke up Sunday morning with a lot on my mind. I made a phone call only to be greeted with negativity. I felt bad afterwards. I couldn't figure out why this person was so angry. I know I did not say or do anything wrong. That morning, I had a talk with God, but it felt different from our usual talks. Afterwards, I decided to sit on the porch to listen and to wait. What was I listening for? What was I waiting for? I was waiting to hear from HIM. I was listening for HIS voice. I talk to God often and I know he hears me when I speak. However, sometimes I feel like he is ignoring me. After waiting for what seemed like an eternity it happened. I heard him. He was responding to a few things I spoke to him about during my talk. I heard him say, he allows situations to occur in my life for a reason. He moves people in and out of my life for a reason. I need to stop trying to fix things (people, places and things) that are probably meant to stay broken. Stop fighting people who are ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Twerk A Book....Make Them Pages Clap

By
Don't twerk something, read something. It is estimated that school summer breaks will cause the average student to lose up to one month of instruction, with disadvantaged students being disproportionately affected (Cooper, 1996). Hence, why it is important to read during the summer. Summer reading help our childrem retain and enhance their there reading skills. It also helps to magnify their cognitive skills. These skills include,  communication (writing and verbal)  attention, memory, logic, reasoning, auditory processing and visual processing which are all critical for learning. As parents we are our children's first educators and it is important to stress the importance of education. We must encourage our children to read throughout the summer. During the school year our children are required to read every day and night for a certain time during a certain time. I believe we should continue that process during the summer. However, the process should be relaxed. Allow t...
Post a Comment
Read more

Why I Love Jesus

By
My sister called me out on Facebook to participate in the "Why I Love Jesus" challenge. I love Jesus because he first loved me. I love Jesus because he allowed me to see another day. He kept the blood running through my veins. He allowed my heart to continue beating. He allows me and my family to reach our destinations during the day and return home safely. I was 6 or 7 years old when I was introduce to him. I was fascinated with him until my grandmother died. I was angry with him because he took the one person who I felt loved me the most who I loved the most away from me. As a child I questioned him. Why did so many leave me, walk out on me and turn their backs on me? Why did you take my grandmother away? I couldn't understand why and he did not provide me an answer. As a result, I turned my back on him. For years I strayed away. Stopped going to church and reading the bible. Nonetheless, God kept me covered and wrapped his arms around me. There were times I felt alon...
Post a Comment
Read more