Dear Diary: My Life Raising Brown Girls

My sister called me out on Facebook to participate in the "Why I Love Jesus" challenge. I love Jesus because he first loved me. I love Jesus because he allowed me to see another day. He kept the blood running through my veins. He allowed my heart to continue beating. He allows me and my family to reach our destinations during the day and return home safely. I was 6 or 7 years old when I was introduce to him. I was fascinated with him until my grandmother died. I was angry with him because he took the one person who I felt loved me the most who I loved the most away from me. As a child I questioned him. Why did so many leave me, walk out on me and turn their backs on me? Why did you take my grandmother away? I couldn't understand why and he did not provide me an answer. As a result, I turned my back on him. For years I strayed away. Stopped going to church and reading the bible. Nonetheless, God kept me covered and wrapped his arms around me. There were times I felt alon...

My life is like a roller coaster. It's full of ups, downs, twists, turns, rights and wrongs. Riding this roller coaster has often made me sick to my stomach. I have suffered from anxiety because I was apprehensive about what was waiting for me as I approached the next loop hole in my life. I have tried several techniques to teach myself to relax. Unfortunately, nothing has helped. I cannot relax. I do not know how to relax. Everyday the Lord allows me to wake up is another day for me to get it right. I am not bound by my past. The decisions that I made yesterday do not determine who am I today or who I will be tomorrow. I can start over. I realize that everyone who says they only want the best for me really do not want what is best for me. They really want what's best for them even if it means hurting me. As a result, some of these people will not be in or apart of my life or my future. I find myself apologizing for things that are not my fault or my issues. I find myself a...

I always wondered why I could not hear from God. Now I know why. I never sat still long enough to hear from him. I always spoke to him, but I never gave him the chance to respond. I never sat still long enough to hear from God. I like most people do not like to wait. Honestly, it is often frustrating. Unfortunately,  it's a part of life. I have learned that God does things on his time and not on my time. In order to see what God has planned for means my family, I have to be receptive. I have to withdraw from certain people, be calm, relax, be still and wait to hear from the Lord.  So as my days go by, I am waiting quietly before God, for my hope is in him. I am waiting patiently for him to act, respond, guide me and move things around for me and my family. I am waiting expectantly while fully relying on and trusting God to help. Listed below are a few bible verses that I have been reading about being still. Hoepfulk y they may help you as they are helping me ...

I woke up Sunday morning with a lot on my mind. I made a phone call only to be greeted with negativity. I felt bad afterwards. I couldn't figure out why this person was so angry. I know I did not say or do anything wrong. That morning, I had a talk with God, but it felt different from our usual talks. Afterwards, I decided to sit on the porch to listen and to wait. What was I listening for? What was I waiting for? I was waiting to hear from HIM. I was listening for HIS voice. I talk to God often and I know he hears me when I speak. However, sometimes I feel like he is ignoring me. After waiting for what seemed like an eternity it happened. I heard him. He was responding to a few things I spoke to him about during my talk. I heard him say, he allows situations to occur in my life for a reason. He moves people in and out of my life for a reason. I need to stop trying to fix things (people, places and things) that are probably meant to stay broken. Stop fighting people who are ...